One mother compared having a child to planting and nurturing a garden. Some people are fortunate and their gardens grow and blossom just as planned, with only a few weeds that can be taken care of without too much trouble. Other gardens, for whatever reason, struggle and aren't able to fully blossom like some of the other gardens. Unfortunately, experts can not always tell parents what to do with their gardens, and they are left to figure that out on their own. “I went back to the garden to try and decide what to do with it. I was so afraid and uncertain – after all I wasn't the world's greatest gardener. When I looked at the garden, indeed it was frail and different but oh! So beautiful! Even as it was. And I realized just how much I loved that garden and that I just couldn't leave it to waste away. I had to give it a fighting chance.

And so I did try – and I worked hard – day and night. I weeded and hoed and I watered with everything that was inside of me. I neglected myself and my other gardens – they would just have to make it on their own, and I didn't matter. I put up fences to keep the predators out, and I wouldn't let anyone help me with the garden. I was so afraid they would screw it up; they didn't know the garden and, while looking better, it was still fragile. Some people chose to ignore me and my garden completely, others down-played the seriousness of the problem and were quite frivolous about it, and still others practically drowned me with sympathy. They couldn't understand why or how I could work so hard for a garden that would never produce.

I would retreat to the garden and work harder and harder to try to forget myself. But I couldn't. Exhaustion caught up to me – fear caught up to me – anger caught up to me – and hatred caught up to me. To the point where I hated myself and hated the garden – if it had grown as it should have, I wouldn't be in this situation. It was the garden's fault and I hated it and loved it at the same time.

I carried on to the point where I knew I was very unhappy and didn't want to live like that any longer. I knew I needed some help but it hurt my pride to have to ask for it. Other people were able to care for their gardens – even unhealthy ones – by themselves. Why couldn't I?

My unhappiness overruled my pride and I'm so very glad that it did. I began slowly to take a little time for myself. I let other people into my garden and to my surprise they didn't hurt it – they helped it with their different ideas, opinions and ways of doing things. The garden actually improved and so did I. I began to take down some of the fences and to relax a little. It was nice to be able to sit back and view the garden in its totality; not just in the bits and pieces that I saw when I was working in it. It was nice to see the beauty that others saw in it – things that I hadn't even noticed before.

My garden is more beautiful than ever. It is growing and doing well. I still have to work very hard with it. It takes a great deal of my time but it is no longer the burden that it had been. There is a great deal of JOY in working with it. I still have many doubts and fears but not the kind that were crippling me so.

I have new insights into this garden. It is not that different from any other. It may not look the same, nor produce as much in quantity and it may not live as long as other gardens. It is like an orchard – fragile and beautiful. It need not do anything but BE WHAT IT IS.”